They speak of sirens

They speak of sirens.. even the children do. While playing with toy cars this little boy doesn't imagine streetlights or honking, he and his friend practice the noise of sirens.
A siren is a cause for alarm. This is the second or third time during my stay here that I've concentrated on the sirens. I enter and the place is in hysterics. I try to carry on as if nothing is going on. I want to know why there are two police cars outside... but I don't want to know.
Someone just decides to tell me. Social worker is taking away four of OUR kids. Our is the appropriate word here because the whole community feels this loss. A child runs up and hugs me and asks is jess getting taken away. I'm like yes honey that's exactly what is happening here. Little M looks up at us and gets lied to. We tell her that its just for a short while but we don't really know. She looks at me and says I'm getting taken away arent I? I look down and say "I KNOW" and I sit down.
The phrase "taken away" is starting to piss me off. Why do you keep saying that? You are not a toy or an object honey. No one can really take you away. But they can. The social worker is "taking them away".
My whole body is wanting to fix this. My emotions are intense because I can't no one can. I can sit down next to the mother and watch her fall apart and hug her. I can see that she's not suicidal and going to stay safe. I CAN'T FIX it. I can't bring those kids back into her home. I can take her to get them school supplies and not even know if they are coming back.
That is just it. I don't have to. I can just be there in the chair next to her. I can make siren noises with the kids. My job isn't to fix it but to be another character in the story that is their life... a participant and and not a spectator. They may speak of sirens .. but they are not the only ones.

" It's worth it brother. It's worth it friend. To know your maker to lose yourself Do you know that you are dearly loved?"

Untouchable

I know its been a while since I wrote last. We've been on retreat and we've also experienced alot over here. The question I keep asking (in my head) is how do you keep fighting for a better tommorow when you are having enough trouble getting through today? What happens when you cannot separate who you are and what you have done? I wish everyone's story had a completely unadulterated happy ending. However, sometimes joy is not pure. Sometimes the pain is mixed with the healing and you have to validate what is there.

I think the following Nouwen quote illustrates this " We are chosen and blessed. When we have truly owned this, have said "Yes" to it. Then we can face our own and others' brokenness with open eyes.